I fell from my scooter a few months ago. As far as motorcycle crashes go, this was an easy tumble. I injured my hand but nothing bad happened. Still scary though. There were two cars and one motorcycle present around me. They all exited the roundabout and stopped to check on me.

The first thing I did, just as I stopped sliding down the steeply inclined roundabout where I slipped, was raise a thumb to show people that I was ok. It was literally the moment I stopped moving, before even getting up or checking my body. Didn’t think of it again until yesturday.

Second accident happened. As far as bicycle accidents go, this was bad. It could have gone so much worse. I slipped, fell and hugged a street pole like in a cartoon. I thought I broke a few ribs. My leg was clipped the the bike so I twisted my knee which is swollen and and locked so I can’t bend it today. Let’s say I was injured bad but nothing scary. I took a hit to the pelvis and that’s the only thing that hurt really. The fall hurt a lot at the moment and some bruises still hurt now.

What’s crazy is that as soon as I settled down on the ground from the fall, the moment I reached a complete stop and not a second later, I brain scanned my ribs because I thought they broke, and then immediately raised a thumb to the line of cars and pedestrians around. A few dozen people must have seen this crash. I didn’t even stand up or unclip my leg from the pedal. Raised a thumb first to reassure people that I was gonna be fine. I spent the next minute reassuring half a dozen compassionate spaniards that I was fine, that i didn’t want water and that I just needed to “Walk it off”

Why is my first reaction to raise a thumb? Why do I immediately start reassuring people before I audit my own situation? Why do I feel compelled to ease the shock that I just caused them before focusing on the hardship that has just befallen me?

What the hell is going on inside my head? What kinda fucked up childhood trauma is going on here? How the fuck does this work?